The following story was presented to the magistrates at Dover as part of an objection to a later licence for Luminar`s Chicago Rock club in Canterbury. Eloquently relayed by the Local Councillor responsible for area where the club was situated, but unfortunately linked to a different club altogether.

The subject – Jelly Wrestling.

His delivery was low, hushed and dramatic, like a five year old`s ghost story.

“Do you know what happens in the nightclubs in Canterbury,” he asked, locking eyes with the magistrates – who looked bemused.

He then went on to tell the story of a fire officer`s early evening visit to a club, where  a paddling pool on the dance floor filled with jelly, waited for the main attraction later that night – jelly wrestling.

Unfortunately the jelly was growing triffid-like out of the pool, and spreading over the dance floor. So the officer ordered that it be removed before the public could be admitted to the club.

It would seem that sweeping the jelly out through an exit was the easiest option, and with the added assistance of a hosepipe and brushes, the jelly moved along.

But as it moved, it grew like the fear force of a B movie, bursting out into the street, slithering over the pavement and partially onto the dual carriageway.

“And what do you think happened next?” asked the councillor, revelling in his Ancient Mariner moment, while the magistrates concentrated on smile suppression.

“Two girls came along and dived in it.”

Smile suppression failed.

Chicago Rock won the day.